


Eldritch Doggy Daycare

by rosegoldaru



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Cats, Crack Treated Seriously, Dogs, Fluff, M/M, Original Statement (The Magnus Archives), Pets, Spoilers for The Magnus Archives Season 5, The Admiral - Freeform, eldritch horrors as doggy daycare workers, implied helen distortion, martin can fantasize about strangling elias as a treat, sad animals but only for like a couple paragraphs then they're happy again, they hold hands everywhere and you can pry that from my stone cold corpse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26404312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegoldaru/pseuds/rosegoldaru
Summary: Jonny Sims said all the pets are okay, but where did they go? Are they all alone in the fear apocalypse or did someone help keep them safe?Jon and Martin take a little detour to go find the Admiral and discover what happened to all the pets of the world along the way.
Relationships: Georgie Barker & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, The Admiral & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	Eldritch Doggy Daycare

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a short tma comic I found today on tumblr today after I cried over ep178 and I just had to write out a little scene. You can find the comic by charlie-artlie here: https://charlie-artlie.tumblr.com/post/628833553670717440/my-pitch-for-the-next-fluff-episode-jon-and  
> Thank you so much for letting me write something for such a good work of art (I ended up writing way more than I thought I would lol).
> 
> Wrote this all while my cat was scratching at my door and yelling at me to hold him, as well as my dog periodically deciding it was time for cuddles so the keyboard would do just fine as a cushion.

If time still existed, then it would be accurate to say that Jon and Martin had last been in the center of a fear domain a couple of hours ago. But time _didn’t_ exist so there is no way of telling. Except for the general weariness that overtook them as they continued their trek towards the world’s worst boss.

Martin was shuffling his feet, kicking the occasional pebble that could or could not have once been bone. It was frankly rude that he had to suffer all the terrors of the eyepocalypse without the regular recharging offered by feeding an eldritch patron off of the pain and misery exuded by all that walk this warped earth. After stopping to take a monologue snack break, Jon even had the gall to have a skip in his step, slightly swinging Martins's arm with their clasped hands. This wasn’t exactly what he had in mind when he fantasized about holding Jon’s hand those lonely nights stayed tucked away from the evil worms, but that’s what you get when you date an avatar of primal fear. C’est la vie.

They were nearing the domain of the hunt now. At least that’s what Jon told him last time he asked. Like with the last couple of domains, the fears had obvious boundaries, but there was still a middle ground of sorts that never made it quite clear which terrible atrocity they were about to stumble into next. If Jon had not been leading them through the domains with his spooky fear Google Maps, they could have very well have ended up anywhere with no way to get out.

When he started to get lost in his own thoughts in the between, Martin could almost feel the different domains try and pull him in. He had full faith in Jon, so he never experienced any true worry over the possibility of them taking control (except the lonely but he had worked himself out just fine even then). The between almost felt like he was immersed in the middle of water and oil. They were clearly separate and they wanted to stay that way, but then you throw in another liquid like soap and now there’s another mess that is a bit like one fear but actually is quite different so they don’t really mix but sometimes they do, and it all swirls around them trying to keep them from moving freely and actually, now that he thought about it that’s not a good analogy but too late that’s what it is now. Martin felt Jon tug him back a little as he stopped quite suddenly. He followed the Archivist’s gaze into the misty between, not quite making out what Jon or the Eye felt was important enough to stop for.

“Jon? Are we at the hunt? Honestly, it looks a bit different than what I was expecting.” A little nervous chuckle escaped with his breath as Jon seemed to snap out of what captured his attention.

“Oh, oh no, no we haven’t reached the hunt yet. You’ll know when we do. Lots of big trees there, hunters, terrified prey, and all that.” He hesitated for a moment, tugging at his ragged shirt which set off warning bells in Martin’s head and absolutely _did not_ also set off cute boyfriend sirens as well. “Is it okay with you if we take a little detour? I promise it’s not anywhere horrible – well, not anywhere too horrible considering we’re, you know…”

“I thought we were going to start fully sharing our plans with each other from now on, Jon. Those sound like statement-eating words, not share-with-Martin words.”

“It’s genuinely nothing outrageously horrible, I promise. No raging infernos and no flesh pits. I was just thinking that I could try and find Georgie and Melanie by possibly locating the Admiral. He’s still an animal so everything is fuzzy, but I Know that there’s a place nearby where I think he is and it’s kind of safe, I guess? It’s difficult to explain exactly what is happening but we do not need to go if you don’t feel comfortable.”

The thought of deviating from the set path sounded a little risky to Martin, but the idea that they might be able to safely find Georgie and Melanie was too enticing to completely disregard. On one hand, they could stay the course and find a way to piledrive Elias into the pavement earlier, but on the other hand, it would be nice to know for sure if their friends are safe.

“Of course, Jon, lead the way. As long as it's not too off course. My fist still needs to make that appointment with Elias’s face but soonish is better than whatever exists after,” and with that, he gave Jon’s hand a little squeeze and let the Archivist pull him into the foggy horizon where Martin could only imagine what horrors awaited them.

Jon spent the trip recounting all the cute things that the Admiral had done while he was stuck in hiding with Georgie. He had apparently decided at some point in time that Jon possessed the best-tasting hair in the entire world and whenever the Archivist found himself too engrossed in a statement, or dead to the world in sleep, he would come back to find the Admiral licking his head and occasionally chewing on various strands of hair. Considering the chaotic nature of this time in Jon’s life – and how he only really showered when Georgie reminded him – his long grey streaks quickly became accompanied by crinkly strands where the cat decided it was time to try his paw at cleaning his weird human. It was quite frankly adorable, and Martin found himself wishing they had the safety to adopt a kitten so he could see Jon light up as he did now when remembering his time with the Admiral. It also made him remember the spaniel on his first day in the archives and he took a moment to wonder where that little pup ended up once everything went to hell. Really, they hadn’t found any dogs or cats, not even the stray bird that would have ended up abandoned by their now tortured owners. It was only a fleeting idea because Martin quickly shut that wonder down. There was no happiness down the line with that train of thought. Better to focus on the here and now. They might not be able to save all the stray animals from the horrors, but maybe they could save the Admiral from whatever tragedy he found himself in. It had to be horrible for that little guy.

“We’re nearing the place now, just to let you know.” Jon still had a slight smile on his face so Martin didn’t think that this new domain was too bad, but Jon still hasn’t told him which fear they would interact with here.

“So which entity do we have to be cautious of this time?"

“It’s not any single entity really, not this time. It’s more like a big melting pot of soft fears and animals. It's honestly a bit difficult to comprehend but you’ll be able to see exactly what it is in a couple of meters, don’t worry.”

They could now hear what sounded like barking in the near distance. At first, Martin jumped at the spike of fear over the thought that it was some avatar of the hunt and come to tear them apart, but Jon wasn’t reacting, so he settled his nerves. They continued to walk towards the barking and the stray meows. There must be something terrible happening to those poor animals and Jon must be leading him into a bloodbath with animals tearing themselves apart or being hurt beyond comprehension, or… wait a darn moment.

“Jon, what is this domain?”

There was no bloodbath. No terrified whimpers from traumatized puppies. No emaciated animals on the brink of collapse after being left to fend for themselves in the wastelands. It didn’t make sense. Nothing about this was clicking with Martin. There _couldn’t_ be a lush dog park in front of him right now. No, he absolutely was _not_ seeing little pillow piles with kittens snuggled up next to each other. This was too soft; everything was bright and nice and _not apocalyptic_. This might be the final straw if Jon did not explain right now why this sector of Armageddon looked like a reboot of “All Dogs Go to Heaven.”

“Oh, I think this is where all the pets of the world went after the Watcher’s Crown.” 

He did not have the same slack-jawed look Martin was sporting. Martin felt the weight of the world settle on him as he took a deep breath, quickly went through the five stages of grief, and settled back to give Jon a dead stare.

“So what? All the pets are fine? All of humanity burns and twists to the whims of the Eye, but they can’t bring themselves to _kick a puppy_?”

“Well, the beholding is just a creation of primal fear, Martin, not a heartless monster.”

“Alright, I can handle this. Where is the Admiral now? Let’s go get him and leave the eldritch doggy daycare alone.”

“Uh, before we do that…”

“You _have_ to be kidding me. Here? Right now!? Fine, do I want to hear the unlikely fluffy-wuffy happiness that these pets have been experiencing or should I go find a Labrador to play fetch with?”

Jon at least had the sense to look sheepish at Martin’s outrage but not enough to stifle his giggle which only resulted in an exaggerated sigh from his partner.

“No, it should be quick and not too horrible all things considering. Just a little refueling and update on some animals. I also get the feeling that if you wander around you might not be treated as kindly as some avatars might in this domain, so it’s best to stay close while we’re here. If that’s fine with you of course.”

“No, yeah, that’s fine. Go at it,” with that Martin sat down on the sturdiest scratching post he could find and settled in to learn if his last shred of sanity would fly out with whatever his boyfriend was about to monologue about. To Martin’s surprise, the moment he got settled, the smallest calico he’s ever seen jumped up into his lap, curled up, and promptly fell asleep. Jon leaned down and picked up a big orange tabby cat that looked like it has never missed a meal even at the end of the world and began his story to the echoes of playful barks.

* * *

Cooper was born behind a shed. Cooper knew that he was cold. Cooper was almost always hungry. He was the smallest of the six and his mother never exactly felt the need to deter his five other siblings from pushing him away from food. 

He knew that he should be quiet when the Big Ones came outside because his brothers and sisters always received a nip when they made loud noises. The Littler Big Ones came out every so often and fed him and held him tight, so he always felt so safe. Even on the coldest nights, before he could truly open his eyes, he remembered their warmth and excited chirps. How was he supposed to know that the Big Ones were different from the _Little_ Big Ones? He only knew his mom didn’t want to feed him anymore and he was cold so when he heard the side gate open, of course, he started crying. He could barely hear himself over the sound of the big metal rope his mother carried that jangled as she tried to nip him quiet, but it was too late.

Cooper was _very_ cold. Cooper thought the Big Ones would have warm hands like the Little Ones did. Cooper especially missed his mother. Cooper didn’t like being alone and all he could hear were his own cries.

It felt like he was under that loud road for years but eventually some Little Big Ones heard him. He knew the Little Big Ones, but these weren’t _his_ Little Big Ones. They still held him close and made worried coos just like the other Little Ones used to do, so he let them hold him for the time being.

Cooper was taken to some Big Ones and he did not like that very much, but the Little Ones lent him some warmth and gave him all the food he wanted so he guessed he could learn to love these Big Ones if they were so important to the Little Ones. Cooper even got to learn that his name was Cooper! It took him a bit longer, but he also learned that the Little Ones had names like Minnie and Rachel. While Cooper thought it was funny, the new Big Ones had many names, but he trusted Rachel and Minnie and just knew them as Mummy and Daddy. Cooper thought they were funny names, but he won’t judge them too harshly since they gave him as much warmth as he wanted whenever he wanted. Cooper felt safe.

He continued to grow, and the Little Ones grew closer in size to the Big Ones. They didn’t have as much time anymore to give him warmth whenever he wanted nor did they exactly like him jumping up to give them kisses too much anymore. Cooper was a good boy though, so he waited for when they had a moment of free time and cherished every second. Cooper was lonely sometimes, but he knew he was loved.

Cooper didn’t know what was happening but the Big Ones were scared, making the Little Ones cry as Cooper used to before he knew them, so Cooper tried his best to help give them warmth but they weren’t paying him any more attention. They were all yelling and he wanted to protect them but then suddenly they were gone. Then Cooper was alone again.

Cooper felt awfully bad, he knew when his ones came back, they wouldn’t be happy with him going outside on the carpet, but they were gone for so long now that he needed to go _somewhere_. He really hoped they would come back soon. Cooper as used to waiting so he took his Minnie's blanket and laid down, waiting for the door to jingle open like it always did.

Cooper was only asleep for a little bit when he heard the door open. There was no jingle of the Big Ones, so he became immediately alert. He knew his Ones would definitely not be happy if a stranger came inside and did something bad, so he took off towards the door to scare off the intruder. Cooper was a good boy and he can be scary if it meant his Ones would be safe.

The door was open but there was no one there. Now that he thinks of it, that didn’t look like the outside Cooper knew. Nothing smelled bad, so Cooper deduced that his Little Ones must be playing the hiding game they used to play all the time when they were littler Little Ones. He ran through the door to where he knew he could sniff out his Little Ones, then they can all go find Mummy and Daddy and everyone would be happy and Cooper could be warm again.

As he ran, he felt the ground beneath his paws shift, and suddenly there were other dogs and cats and birds around him that smelled just as worried for their Ones as he was. Cooper saw food everywhere for everyone, a big grassy field with tennis balls all around, fluffy spots that smelt like sleep, but he still didn’t see his Ones. The other animals rushed around in a swirl of fur and excitement, but Cooper only wanted his Little Ones back. He could no longer smell the warmth he knew so well and without the doorway, he felt utterly lost.

Cooper searched the warm, silky beds that laid out in a big pile that the cats had already taken advantage of. That wasn’t the warmth he felt when little Minnie got home early, so he kept looking. The toys and bones laid out had a lot of other dogs running and playing, but it wasn’t the same warm playtime that he knew when Rachel and Mum took him to the dog park, so he moved on. Digging was no fun without Daddy there to chase him while the Little Ones laughed, so Cooper left that alone.

Everyone else here was having fun but Cooper didn’t want to have fun, he wanted his Ones back and there were no other Ones here that might help him find them. Cooper laid down and decided to wait again because he was a good boy and good boys don’t run away. What if his Ones were gone for too long and they forgot him? He didn’t like this at all and even the playful the nips from the pups around him couldn’t rouse him from his vigil.

Because Cooper is a good boy, he finally recognized the smell of his Little One behind him. It was a bit sudden and the smell had a weird plasticky taste over it, but it _looked_ like his Rachel with such a wide smile on her face. He was so excited that he didn’t even mind that her hand was a little stiff in her pats, he felt the warm love he always held for his Ones rush through him as he zoomed around his Rachel. Since she was here, that meant that everything was okay, and he could go play without feeling like a bad boy that left his Ones without his protection.

Everyone was okay now and he didn’t even mind that her hand was a little colder! Cooper knew she loved him and that was just enough warmth for him.

* * *

So that was the statement of this domain. Jon seemed a bit melancholic despite the joy in his voice when he was reciting the statement. The orange tabby in his arms seemed to grow bored now that the story was over, so he jumped down and sauntered away towards the dishes of what Martin hoped was chicken.

“How are you feeling, Jon?”

“Sorry, I’m alright, how are you doing?” Jon wasn’t looking in Martin’s eyes, instead choosing to look out over the conglomeration of sleeping cats, probably searching for any sign of the Admiral.

“So, this place is like a big animal shelter, where the fears won’t touch any of them for some reason, and where these family pets can just play away from the terror of the world outside?” Martin set the kitten on his lap to the side and stood up to take Jon’s hand back on his own. “It sounds too good to be true honestly.”

“It really is, isn’t it…"

“Jon?”

“I know the Admiral isn’t here, at least not anymore. It seems like he got bored with everything and left. He’s a stubborn little thing so I’m sure he found Georgie and Melanie fine on his own. I highly doubt a little thing like death could scare him off even if he did get lost somewhere.”

“That’s alright with me. It was a long shot to finding Georgie and Melanie anyways. But, Jon, what else is wrong? Please tell me.”

“I know I told you that it's probably not safe to be here alone, there are so many fears here that it’s easy to get pulled into a domain if you wander close.” The Archivist squeezed Martin’s hands and finally looked up at him with sad acceptance. “I have enough power that you could stay here if you wanted to. You don’t have to worry about getting pulled away. There’s a lot of pets here that must miss their owners by now so you would be welcomed with open paws. I would be alright if you _really_ wanted to stay, of course, you don’t have to either, it’s completely your choice.” 

Martin rolled his eyes and let out a little laugh which drew Jon’s full attention back to him.

“That’s all? I thought you were going to say we would have to fight a giant goldfish monster or something to leave! I told you already that we are in this together and I’m not letting you ditch me, albeit in a very nice fear domain. We are going to see this to the end and neither you nor a dozen kittens could convince me otherwise!”

Jon met Martin’s smile with one of his own and shook his head in relief.

“Not even a couple thousand kittens and a quarter of a million puppies?”

“Oh, absolutely not! Think of the number of leashes and litter boxes I would need. No, one fear avatar is enough for me, I don’t need the added responsibility of a billion animals, thank you very much.”

They laughed together as their joy mixed in with the excited yips and content purrs that surrounded them. They stayed there for however long a moment was in a world with no time, taking a well-needed break before they jumped back into the terror of the Watcher’s world.

“Now, we still have a couple of people to find and a certain crusty old body hopper to murder, you ready to head off? If not, I can always go off ahead and you can catch up,” Martin didn’t let go of Jon’s hand but started to walk back to where they probably came from.

“Oh, as if you could find your way to the hunt without me! I am your designated navigator and I take my job very seriously you know.”

“Of course, come on now Jon-NAV, lead the way!”

Hand in hand, they left the last safe place on earth, into the unknown yet again.

**Author's Note:**

> SO I ended up being incapable of writing pure fluff. I blame it on my near-constant stream of angst and major character death fics :). Also decided to write this all in one sitting because I enjoy chaos, so any mistakes you found I'm super sorry about, but I will not be going back to change anything <3 my editing errors are between me and god
> 
> Edit: it's no longer 2AM so I went back and changed some errors.


End file.
